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CW for abuse.
Over the past couple of years I have listened to some nauseating podcasts and docu-series about child and spousal abuse. These series are always hard to watch or listen to, but they are important. When one lives in a healthy relationship or is removed from abusive conditions, abuse can be very invisible or confusing. I know the confusion first hand because one of my old classmates was busted for having a child abuse image collection twenty years ago and Old Job once hired an accountant that masqueraded as a phony masseuse. How could such "nice guys" be such major creeps?
When I was growing up in the 80s, the only educational tools I had were "very special episodes" that meant well, but these shows were evidence of how poorly child abuse was talked about. It's not enough to find an adult. It was not talked about in my schools, even through junior high. For many women of a certain age, the social conditioning to smile, laugh and deflect threats was our only education.
I am not a parent, but I have noticed my friends talking more about bodily agency with their children and how to instruct them. If you're of a certain age, you remember having to endure cheek pinches, hugs and kisses and not having much of a say in it. You had to kiss weird Uncle Fred because it would be rude or you were forced too. This is an example of a child not having bodily agency. A parent who doesn't force their child to hug or kiss when they don't want to is giving their child bodily agency. When you give your child bodily agency, you give them the gift of being able to say no to unwanted relationships and touching as they grow up. They know their body belongs to them.
All this came back to me when I watched the first season of Surviving R. Kelly. TBH, I'm not a huge R&B fan, so I thought all of R. Kelly's music was in the vein of "I Believe I Can Fly", but it's surprisingly raunchy (side note: my musical tastes are stuck in the 90s). I also didn't know that he married Aaliyah when she was 15. Wow, gross! Turns out R. Kelly was mega gross in many respects. Not only did he abuse and control his wife, Drea, but he preyed on young girls and women like a hobby.
The series, which now has a second season, is a flawed series. The camera seems to exploit the emotional pain of his victims and their families. It doesn't push R. Kelly's enablers enough as to why they stuck with him through the years and helped maintain his framework for abuse. However, the series gives a much needed voice for BIPOC girls and women who found the courage to speak up and against a rich, famous and beloved celebrity. Who will believe them?
As I mentioned, abuse can be invisible or confusing and this series reveals just why that is. Victims are wrapped in shame, trapped without financial resources, scared or just mentally beaten down to the point where they don't exist. Rumours of R. Kelly's misconduct swirled around him for years and but this docu-series finally pushed the legal system into action in 2019. R. Kelly is currently incarcerated in Chicago.
Even though these kinds of series are hard to watch, they are important. They provide the missing knowledge to understand how predators work and how to support abuse victims. There is no one standard cookie cutter abuser out there--which you'll see as I log these different series.
Over the past couple of years I have listened to some nauseating podcasts and docu-series about child and spousal abuse. These series are always hard to watch or listen to, but they are important. When one lives in a healthy relationship or is removed from abusive conditions, abuse can be very invisible or confusing. I know the confusion first hand because one of my old classmates was busted for having a child abuse image collection twenty years ago and Old Job once hired an accountant that masqueraded as a phony masseuse. How could such "nice guys" be such major creeps?
When I was growing up in the 80s, the only educational tools I had were "very special episodes" that meant well, but these shows were evidence of how poorly child abuse was talked about. It's not enough to find an adult. It was not talked about in my schools, even through junior high. For many women of a certain age, the social conditioning to smile, laugh and deflect threats was our only education.
I am not a parent, but I have noticed my friends talking more about bodily agency with their children and how to instruct them. If you're of a certain age, you remember having to endure cheek pinches, hugs and kisses and not having much of a say in it. You had to kiss weird Uncle Fred because it would be rude or you were forced too. This is an example of a child not having bodily agency. A parent who doesn't force their child to hug or kiss when they don't want to is giving their child bodily agency. When you give your child bodily agency, you give them the gift of being able to say no to unwanted relationships and touching as they grow up. They know their body belongs to them.
All this came back to me when I watched the first season of Surviving R. Kelly. TBH, I'm not a huge R&B fan, so I thought all of R. Kelly's music was in the vein of "I Believe I Can Fly", but it's surprisingly raunchy (side note: my musical tastes are stuck in the 90s). I also didn't know that he married Aaliyah when she was 15. Wow, gross! Turns out R. Kelly was mega gross in many respects. Not only did he abuse and control his wife, Drea, but he preyed on young girls and women like a hobby.
The series, which now has a second season, is a flawed series. The camera seems to exploit the emotional pain of his victims and their families. It doesn't push R. Kelly's enablers enough as to why they stuck with him through the years and helped maintain his framework for abuse. However, the series gives a much needed voice for BIPOC girls and women who found the courage to speak up and against a rich, famous and beloved celebrity. Who will believe them?
As I mentioned, abuse can be invisible or confusing and this series reveals just why that is. Victims are wrapped in shame, trapped without financial resources, scared or just mentally beaten down to the point where they don't exist. Rumours of R. Kelly's misconduct swirled around him for years and but this docu-series finally pushed the legal system into action in 2019. R. Kelly is currently incarcerated in Chicago.
Even though these kinds of series are hard to watch, they are important. They provide the missing knowledge to understand how predators work and how to support abuse victims. There is no one standard cookie cutter abuser out there--which you'll see as I log these different series.
