simplyn2deep: (Scott Caan::writing)
[personal profile] simplyn2deep
Title: A Dawn of Her Own
Fandom: The Chronicles of Narnia
Character(s): Lucy Pevensie
Tags: Post-The Last Battle, Self-Discovery, Finding Independence, Hope, Quiet Strength, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant
Rating: General
Word Count: 370
Summary: After the end of Narnia, Lucy Pevensie learns how to build a life for herself in England, carrying both grief and hope as she grows into the person she was always meant to be.
Author's Note: Written for 
[community profile] seasons_of_fandom 's Round 1, Challenge #1: Royal Rumble

---

Lucy had always been “the youngest,” “the gentle one,” “the Queen of Narnia.” But England didn’t care for titles, and sometimes Lucy thought the whole world had forgotten she had once ruled a kingdom of light. There were mornings when she stared into the mirror and almost expected to see her crown resting above her brow, her hair catching the sea wind, but it was only her, small and ordinary. And yet, she reminded herself, queenship was never about crowns.

In the quiet mornings, she walked the streets near her home, skirts brushing against her ankles, watching the way sunlight broke through the clouds. It reminded her of Cair Paravel’s towers gleaming across the Eastern Sea. The memory hurt, sharp as glass, but it also steadied her, like a compass pointing her forward rather than back.

Her siblings each had their roles: Peter with his grave wisdom, Susan with her modern poise, and Edmund with his steadiness. Lucy, though, had always been defined by her faith. When the wardrobe closed for good, she feared she would disappear without it. For weeks, she wrestled with the silence, with the ache of a door that would never open again. But she learned to look for Aslan’s presence in other places—the hush of an organ hymn, the laughter of children, the golden thread of kindness woven through even ordinary days.

So she began small. She volunteered at the church, helped children with their reading, and listened when lonely neighbors knocked at her door. She told no one that each kindness felt like planting a flag in her own kingdom, unseen but very real. Slowly, Lucy began to realize she was not rebuilding Narnia; she was building Lucy.

At night, she whispered prayers not for Narnia’s return, but for courage to face each day. “Let me shine, even here,” she asked, and in time, she realized she already was.

Lucy Pevensie would never be just “the youngest” again. She was a woman who had walked with Aslan, who had borne both sorrow and joy, and who now chose to live, not as a shadow of the past, but as herself.

And that, she thought as dawn stretched its golden fingers across the sky, was its own kind of magic.

(no subject)

Aug. 31st, 2025 05:08 pm
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[personal profile] paperghost
Bad news, I guess!

I managed to get my six days in a row cut to 4 days, one day off, and then another shift, but I couldn't make it today because I'm always given these "streak days" when I have PMS and can barely get out of bed or have energy to move around. This is the second month I couldn't make it to 4 days in a row and I feel awful. I don't have a doctor and my last PCP years ago treated me badly, but I might have to bite the bullet and get a new one on my work insurance in September.  The issue is I really don't want to go on birth control because I respond badly to medication, and every time I've tried to communicate fears of side effects with professionals I either get blown off or told to leave. It's not a theoretical, I've had my life wrecked by "safe" medications like SSRIs but given no alternatives. Whatever...

Buh bye, Audible - ER, maybe not

Aug. 31st, 2025 08:09 am
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[personal profile] susandennis
So I finally got the app to work correctly, with no help from Audible. But, I decided to cancel anyway. 20 years ago, actually even 5 years ago, Audible was great. Easy and with wonderful customer support. You could return any book you didn't like and buy another. Easy and simple. Even after Amazon bought them. But, gradually, that simple totally disappeared and started to take easy with it. In order to return a book you had to go to chat and beg. They always granted but it was annoying. Cut to this morning.

My annual membership renews at the end of September. I had used up all my credits. I pre-ordered 3 books but two of them won't be available until the end of October. I wanted to make sure I could listen to those books without a membership. So I went to Chat. Holy fuck. You've seen those chats that won't transfer you to a live person until you categorize your reason in about 20 different selections? Then finally you get a 'chat with representative'. This was like that except there were only 5 choices and no other options. I finally cracked the code and got a representative who told me I didn't have 3 books on prepay but only 2 and why did I want to cancel??? We finally after 45 fucking chat minutes got the 3rd book back into my account. And the reason I am canceling is that. 45 fucking chat minutes??????? And my experience on Reddit the other day when they asked for my operating system 3 different times. Audiobooks are not tangible. It's not like I can take my goods and leave. I am totally dependent on their customer service which is not even trying to rise up to the level of sucks.

Hilariously, because the agent fucked up and put a credit in my account, I need to spend it before I cancel. ha! But, at least I'm not longer on the fence about leaving.

EXCEPT. When you actually cancel, they throw some pretty serious discount offers in your face. Now I might have to think about it some more. And, just now, I got a comprehensive, well written, easy to understand email* from the chat agent who - in chat - consistently did not answer my questions or use understandable English. Wild. Just wild. But, yes, I guess I'll sign up for another year with their 40% off. Fuck. Oh well.

*The email was probably written by some AI app but that's fine by me. It spells out everything and provides me with a paper trail if I need it so I'm fine with that.

In other news...

It's raining! Well dripping really but there are raindrops on the sidewalk. Yesterday, it stayed beautifully cloudy all day and today looks like maybe more of the same. My kind of weather.

Today will be baseball and other TV and knitting. Maybe some puzzling but maybe not. And tomorrow, with the holiday, will be the same and I'm perfectly happy with all of it.

I finished (probably) the Halloween dolls and ghosts and made one of the regular mini monsters but didn't get a photo yet. I need a better photo background, the one I've been using is kind of beat up. Maybe today's project. Maybe not.

First Draft Problems

Aug. 31st, 2025 10:03 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
Only, I did go tromping. It was too beautiful a day to stay inside. I laced my hiking boots very tightly.



My knee isn't hurting, but it is making a weird clicking sound when it articulates, so, yeah—something's out of alignment.

###

I Remunerated—1,500 words. I had somehow gotten it into my head that magically I would be able to crank out 4,000 Remunerative words, which would buy me a couple of days to give the Work in Progress my undiluted attention. But that ain't gonna happen, and when I got back from tromping, I was thinking too hard about David Foster Wallace to continue the Neal-Palooza scene.

###

The three great Post-Modernists whose works I've never had any great interest in cracking are David Foster Wallace, Thomas Pynchon, and Don DeLillo.

Well. I did read The Crying of Lot 49. And I didn't dislike it! But neither did it fill me with any great desire to read anything else by Pynchon. Authors who saddle characters with names like "Oedipa Maas" are not my cup of tea.

And I have read a couple of Wallace's short stories and non-fiction. I was mildly impressed. Also, I'm a big fan of Wallace's protege and self-styled BFF, Jonathan Franzen.

Plus I've read Wallace's biography, the evocatively titled Every Love Story Is a Ghost Story. (In general, I am more interested in Great Writers' bios than their actual books. Not sure what that sez about me.) In it, Wallace comes across as someone who was hideously depressed by his own physical repulsiveness. Like if some doctor had only prescribed him Botox for those overactive sweat glands and a really effective acne medication, he wouldn't have needed all those antidepressants. Caliban would have metamorphosed into Ariel!

All of this is by way of a preamble: I've decided to read Infinite Jest.

To try to read Infinite Jest!

Like I'll commit to reading the first 200 pages, and if I don't like it, I'll stop.

Reading is what I do. I spend at least two hours a day reading. And it's unrealistic to ban fiction entirely during the next six months—which, reasonably, is about the time it will take me to knock out a first draft of the Work in Progress. Assuming I keep up with it: I'm a true Aries in the sense that I'm great at starting things, not so great at finishing things.

The trick will be to read fiction that is sufficiently unlike my own writerly voice that I'm not unconsciously plagiarizing from it.

I don't write anything like David Foster Wallace!

###

The Neal-Palooza scene is mostly written except for a couple of speeches & some character business. So next, I have to wrap up the chapter with Mimi being obnoxious on the porch.

Kinda at a loss, though, at coming up with suitably obnoxious action & dialogue.

I suppose I could always type in red font: Mimi is obnoxious.

Move on to Chapter 2.

Fill in the details of Mimi's obnoxiousness when I do the second draft.

Charisma

Aug. 30th, 2025 08:58 am
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[personal profile] susandennis
Charisma is such an interesting thing. I rarely run into it but, man, when I do... Jeff Jackson (the attorney general of North Carolina) has it. He posts videos online that force you to watch to the end. It's not so much what he's saying but the way he says it. His manner, his eyes.

I saw it again this morning. Maria has lived here for a long time. I know her to see her but we've never met. She's not very mobile. Her son, Chris, lives in Atlanta and comes about twice a year. He usually plays volleyball with us and is great fun to have in the game. This morning, mid-game, he showed up pool side to say hi. He is here this time because his mother is dying - 2 or 3 days. There were 8 of us in the pool at the time. He squatted down and explained the situation. I was on the other side of the pool so ended up in the back of the pack. So I watched and it was fascinating. He doesn't really know these people. And, yet, he spoke so kindly and clearly and patiently and answered all the questions and I'll bet you every single person thought he was talking directly to them. I sure did. Doesn't help that he's very pretty. I don't know what he does for a living but I'll bet he's spectacular at it. Really interesting. I am sure sorry he won't be playing volleyball with us ever again.

My Apple+ and Masterpiece subscriptions are up, so it's time for another month or so of Netflix. I have accumulated a lot of Nexflix titles I wanted to see so it was time. And, then, I discovered another round of British Bake off is starting soon! So okdokey! Last night I watched the first few episodes of a show that I didn't know anything about. I have no idea how it even got on my list. BUT it's fun. Leanne. I think there are 12 or more 30 minute episodes and it has a nice cast and some great lines. I literally laughed out loud more than a few times.

I need cucumbers and peanut butter so I might venture out today. The dining room is serving some fabulous lamb chops this week and some very good scalloped potatoes but their salads kind of suck. So I need something to go with.

Dick made meatloaf earlier in the week. He came down yesterday just as I was, out of desperation and poor planning, getting ready to have another peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. He wanted some stuff printed and copied and as he was leaving he said "If you want some cold meatloaf for a sandwich, come on down." Honestly, it was probably not the best meatloaf when it was hot but damn that was a fabulous sandwich. And I have enough for a repeat today. I told him now that he knows the price mi printer es su printer.

Time to get dressed for Elbow coffee.

Scarlet Sumac; Green Trees

Aug. 30th, 2025 09:00 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
Mostly yesterday I wrote.

In the afternoon, I toddled off to the gym & did something to my peroneal tendons on the right side. So that last night, I started to have one of those weird cramping episodes that start off in the lateral malleolus—which is that little thing on the side of your ankle you can flex and is actually your fibula—and travel up your leg into your knee. Excruciatingly painful. But I managed to head it off at the pass by tramping down hard & doing some stretching exercises.

Still. Probably wise to lay off the exercise today.

###

The weather has turned cool. There was a frost warning last night on the other side of the Poconos. Two mountain ranges off, but you know—low mountains.

I have yet to see any yellow in the trees but the sumac is all shades of scarlet.

Where did this summer go?

Honestly, I don't know.

I suppose it all went to Brian being dead. And panicking about money—although I could have done that easily enough when Brian wasn't dead. I just didn't.

###

Word count on the Work in Progress is hovering just below the 5,000-word mark, which will be the end of Chapter 1. Still need to write one more Ain't-Mimi-awful section, but must be careful it doesn't descend into parody: Mimi needs to make a suicide attempt in Chapter 9, and the reader must be sympathetic.

###

But today I must do some Remuneration. This month's bills are paid, but more bills will come next month.

It's hard to go back & forth between Remuneration & fiction-writing. They use different parts of my brain, & they both are quite exhausting in their own way (though creative effort also brings that little rush of exhilaration. It would be cool to see what neurotransmitters are involved.)

But somehow I gotta figure out a way to do it.

The feet knew

Aug. 29th, 2025 10:52 am
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[personal profile] susandennis
I've only been in a few orthopedic shoe stores but every one of them was WEIRD. This one was a little less weird except. There was a big yellow piece of paper taped to the front door that said YOU MUST SIGN IN. It was curling at the sides like it had been there forever. One step into the store there is another yellow sign repeating the demand and explaining it was because they were short staffed. I am so so so tired of hearing how everyone is so short staffed. Hire more people, people!!

Anyway, the kid who waited on me was about a 5 out of 10. But, he was a solid 5 and with attitude counseling, he could be an 8 or 9. But since they don't know how to hire people... I digress.

He shouted at me as I was doing the required sign in 'You don't have to sign in!' OK WTF?

It was a rocky start.

He listened, he measured, he recommended and his recommends were pretty spot on. I tried on about 4 pair and 3 of them were almost acceptable. I was hopeful. And then he brought out a pair of David Tate's (Evita) and put them on and before I even stood up I knew... Winner Winner chicken dinner.

I tried on more. Then I tried on a different size of the winner but, nope, perfect. Seriously my feet were just giddy. I told him I'd wear them out. He tried to put the shoes I'd worn in into the box and I said nope, I'd carry them. 'All sales final without the box! Also if you wear them outside.' You ain't gettin' these back, dude. Quit trying.

But he did have the last word... As I got out of the car at home and walked to the garage door, I kept hearing this noise. I looked down and that rascal had let me walk out with the tag still on!! So glad I didn't go shopping or a walking tour.

PXL_20250829_174257260

But, I have such happy feet.

what the????

Aug. 29th, 2025 09:10 am
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[personal profile] susandennis
I got dressed and brushed my teeth and reached for my pills and discovered I had not taken them on Wednesday OR Thursday!! I was sneezing all day yesterday and thinking the allergy pills had quit on me again. I sometimes forget a day every couple of months but never two!

If I die today, you'll know why.

Off to buy shoes in case I don't die today.

Local Politics & Burned Crusts

Aug. 29th, 2025 10:57 am
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
Went out canvassing with Adrienne yesterday.

Up the porch steps & down the porch steps. Up the porch steps & down the porch steps. I must have done the equivalent of half an hour on the Stairmaster.

It was a gorgeous day, & we found plenty of people who would talk to us, listen to Adrienne's spiel. Some people took her seriously, some people thought she was an endearing but batty grandmother, but the overall reaction was positive. Her stump speech includes medical scarcity, food deserts, a farmer's market.

The question is: How can we translate these benign reactions into votes?

People don't take local elections very seriously. The extra half hour it takes to drive to the firehouse in a non-Presidential year is just not a priority.

I was pleased to see, though, that Adrienne is taking my advice and downplaying the Democrat affiliation. "Don't wear blue!" she told me.

A Democrat is not going to win an election in Wallkill.

A friendly, civic-minded lady who schmoozes well & just happens to belong to the Democratic party might win an election in Wallkill.

###

Came home. Baked tomato pies.

Once again was foiled by Icky's malfunctioning oven:



Oh, well. They actually taste okay. But no blue ribbon from the county fair for me!

###

Icky was out while I was baking, but came home while the pies were cooling. "Well, obviously, you are leaving them in too long or you have the oven temperature turned up too high," he told me.

If you say so, Icky. Of course, I have only made this particular recipe eight billion times before, and it has always come out perfectly except in your fucking oven. But hey! What do I know?

Icky was dressed to the nines. "I just took Gus out to dinner," he told me. "To a really good restaurant. It's his birthday."

I hadn't asked.

"Now, I'm going over to his mom's house. For cake."

###

When I woke up this morning, Icky had packed up and gone.

He left two days early.

No complaints from me!

I figure something must have gone down at Christine's house. Probably nothing more than Gus allowing himself to be doted upon by Christine in a way he doesn't allow himself to be doted upon by Icky. Icky is easily aggrieved.

Get used to that outsider feeling, Icky! Your kids love you. Hey! I loved my mother. Even though by any definition that doesn't include juvenile corpses shoved into dumpsters, she was a terrible mother. But they don't like you. And as teenagers mature into young adults, like becomes more important than love.

###

On the Work in Progress front: I am about a third of the way into the memorial scene. I just have to think of a few more rousing speeches from Neal's eclectic assortment of pals.

Plus status detail—I'm setting the memorial in Newburgh (Must QUASH impulse to include 5,000 words on the history of Newburgh, which is actually very interesting because Newburgh went from being the playground of the very rich to Amerika's murder capital in the space of about 100 years, and has some very beautiful architecture).

It can't be at a bar—Neal-cum-Brian doesn't drink; he smokes massive quantities of dope.

So... a hookah shop? A VFW canteen? What?

We'll still have Vinnie listening to the speeches, obviously moved.

And Grazia will put together a photo montage, leading to a disproportionate number of photos of her & Neal being inserted into the montage, so there can be some comic business where Neal's professional colleagues who didn't know about the polyamory can ignore the other sister wives & tell Grazi, I'm so sorry for your loss.

From there, we segue into a brief section about Neal-cum-Brian's ocular migraines. And reveal he died of a brain aneurism. (In real life, Brian had a heart attack. But that's not gonna fly now that I've downshifted everyone's ages 30 years.)

And then we're back out on the porch for some more obnoxious Mimi business, and the chapter ends!

Chapter 2 should be easier to write since I can crib more from my diary.

What's the plan, Stan?

Aug. 29th, 2025 07:36 am
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[personal profile] susandennis
This will not be an entry about my new phone BUT the first couple of paragraphs will be. The good news is... I love it. It's got a lot of updated tweaks and tricks that I didn't expect and are hard to describe in a meaningful way. But outside of the fact that it is not cracked like my old one, it's even way better so I'm delighted.

BUT... yep, there is a but. Audible. This has happened before to me more than once. I do not remember what fixed it other than maybe Audible did an upgrade. Unless you have the audible app open, the book stops every 2 or 3 minutes. It resumes again when you go back to the app but seriously. I think Audible hates Pixels. Reddit does back me up with this ongoing issue. Every year there is at least one, maybe two threads about the problem. This morning I started this year's by linking to last year's and saying my new Pixel 10 had the same problem and I'd tried all the tweaks in the linked thread. I got a fast response asking what OS and what version of Audible. Now... new Pixel 10 - what the fuck os and version do you think I might have?????

I am considering a divorce from Audible. My annual membership renews in September. I have no more credits to spend. Maybe this is a good time to call 20 years a good run. Libby gives me lots of books. I changed my membership to monthly for the time being. If they fix the problem, I'll likely re-up. If not, then, nope.

But, speaking of customer experience... Bonny went to Fred Meyer on Wednesday. She wanted to find some step in sneakers. And she found the perfect pair of Skechers but they did not have her size. She found a Fred Meyer person and asked if there were more in the back or a different store. She said English wasn't his first language but she finally understood that they did not have more and would not because it was an older style. She took a photo of it and mentioned to him she'd see if she could find it on Amazon. He asked for her phone, she unlocked it and when to the Amazon app. He found the shoes on Amazon in her size and asked 'buy?' and she said YES! And he did. And yesterday afternoon she discovered they had been delivered to her apartment and they were perfect. She was so delighted. And so in love with that Fred Meyer guy. And Amazon. I think she's only ordered from Amazon about twice in her life. It was pretty hilarious.

Today I think I'm going over to that shoe store the podiatrist recommended. I looked online. They don't have many non-ugly shoes but they do have a few pair. So I'll go give them a shot.

And maybe do laundry. Baseball isn't until 4. Both my teams play at the same time for the next few days.

Oh one more camera thing. It has the most amazing zoom I've ever seen.

I just took these two photos sitting right here at my table. See the table I circled in red?

PXL_20250829_150558211.jpg

I zoomed in on it.

PXL_20250829_150609707.jpg

Isn't that wild???

Just next to that table, last night, some folks were set up for a little outdoor dining. With my new zoom, I could tell what they were eating!!! That has to be a football field away from here. Amazing.

terraqueous

Aug. 29th, 2025 07:14 am
prettygoodword: text: words are sexy (Default)
[personal profile] prettygoodword
terraqueous (ter-AY-kwee-uhs, ter-AK-wee-uhs) - adj., consisting of land and water, as the Earth; relating to or taking place on both land and water; (bot.) living in both land and water.


the terraqueous globe we live on
Thanks, WikiMedia!

Taken in the 1650s from the Late (i.e. scientific) Latin terraqueus, coined from Latin terra, dry land/earth/soil (ultimately from PIE *ters-, dry) + Latin aqua, water (ultimately from PIE *h₂ékʷeh₂, water) + -eus, adjectival suffix indicating an attribute.

---L.

reference

Aug. 28th, 2025 06:37 pm
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[personal profile] paperghost

Ultraprocessed or minimally processed diets following healthy dietary guidelines on weight and cardiometabolic health: a randomized, crossover trial

I'm dieting. I needed to see this. Unfortunately I can't read NYT articles despite getting them via email, but this study was linked in a recent article about this.

And all is done

Aug. 28th, 2025 11:31 am
susandennis: (Default)
[personal profile] susandennis
The phone came with a nice USB c to USB c cable but I don't know why. I'll just add it to my collection.

I just put the old phone next to the new one on the table and tapped a few buttons and done. sim card was even, magically turned into an esim. Even my wallet was set up with my credit card.

The only glitch. Really the only one was the watch. A Pixel watch. This took way too long and too many tries to get connected. Left hand right hand clearly the Pixel department has gotten too large.

Now my old old phone is packaged for return which I will do right now.

My new phone is very pretty.

GOT IT!!

Aug. 28th, 2025 10:27 am
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[personal profile] susandennis
I remembered this morning that UPS used to give me a map when it got close to delivery and, then, I found out, it still does! So I watched the truck til it got close and then speedwalked down to the front door. I sat there a few mins when Martha came up from her yoga class and kept me company.

Do you get a new phone every couple of years or so????? Oh Martha.

Why don't you just wait until they guy comes around with packages this afternoon? Oh Martha.

Then he drove in and I snagged the goods.

PXL_20250828_172131459.jpg

p.s. My grand plan to 'share' photos to Flickr is a fail. Turns out that option works only once in a while and has been a 'known issue' for years. Sigh.

p.s.s. Guess what I'm going to do next???

New phone day

Aug. 28th, 2025 08:49 am
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[personal profile] susandennis
UPS says it will be here by 11:30 and I can get it at 1, assuming Timber Ridge's delivery service works as designed which it most likely will.

We had clouds the whole time for volleyball this morning which makes for such a nicer game. Sadly, for the first hour, we also had TheAsshole. But he left after an hour so the second hour was great fun. We didn't have that many players so those of us who were there got lots of exercise.

A resident just drove into the parking garage in a gynormous pickup truck. The door opened automatically which means it read his license plate which means he actually does live here and the truck is not borrowed or rented. It's pristine, like never used. And it's huge. Now, what the fuck would an old retired guy who does not own a home need with a giant truck and why does he not use it. I have actually seen it parked in the garage and it is way too big for our parking spots so it sticks out. I'm surprised one of these other old people haven't rammed into it.

At the RUM yesterday, the facilities guy announced they are going to rename our parking spots. Right now, everyone's spot has their apartment number on it which is very handy if you are nosy like me. Very handy. But, alas, if you are trying to manage assigned parking spots, it's a stupid system. Like with Myrna. She gave up her car and so her spot. They gave it/rented it to someone who needed another spot. Then she died and they sold her unit and they had to kick out the one who had been parking there so the Dick and Jan could park there cause it had their apartment number painted on it.

Anyway, they are going to a much better system of name/assigning spaces and are going to clean up and repaint all the garages. This is going to piss off the half of the population who still drive and the other half don't care. There's a middle group, not small, of people who have cars and don't/can't drive them. On my tiny hall alone, there's Joan, Jim, John... None of their cars have been driven in months. Batteries RIP

There were no other giant revelations at the meeting. The boring people were as boring as ever. The best ones are always the Director of Housekeeping and the Facilities Director. They are always interesting and entertaining. And, they were yesterday, too. Smartly, they put them at the end so we all stay.

I've got one more episode of Code of Silence (Britbox) and I need to watch it this morning to find out what happens. But, probably, I should get dressed first.

vincible

Aug. 28th, 2025 07:14 am
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[personal profile] prettygoodword
vincible (VIN-suh-buhl) - adj., capable of being overcome or subdued, conquerable.


The less-used stem of invincible. It's been around for a while, since the 1540s, taken from Latin vincibilis, conquerable, from vincere, to conquer.

---L.
mallorys_camera: (Default)
[personal profile] mallorys_camera


Cash infusion made me merry & lazy. Though I did tromp: The weather could not be more perfect. As is my wont, I am simultaneously reading and books-on-taping. The work is Walter Isaacson's Benjamin Franklin biography. (It's nonfiction for me until I either hammer out or give up on this first draft.)

Benjamin Franklin does remind me a bit of Mark Twain's Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court; he had a surprisingly 20th-century mind for an 18th-century-er.

###

Viz that first draft: The next section will be 1,000 words or so on the Memorial.

I have morphed the dead guy sufficiently from Brian so that I can't just use my own recollections of Brian's memorial.

I figured nobody wants to read about the Romantic Life of an Old Guy, so I shifted everybody's age down 30 years. All the characters are now in their early 40s, and that means they all have to have jobs—Brian-cum-Neal is a public defender! 😀—and some people from Neal's job have to turn up at the memorial.

I am thinking one of those people could provide comic relief by being one of Neal's disreputable clients that he saved from a 20-year prison sentence or something.

But, of course, I need a backstory on that one—in addition to the usual peerless prose and scintillating dialogue.

Ichabod takes client confidentiality very seriously, so I can't ask him for public defender backstories.

27 August 2025 Wednesday

Aug. 27th, 2025 08:21 pm
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[personal profile] daryl_wor
 Someone is having a party, not sure who but the dialogue reminds me of those recordings at the end of Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland...
 
wacky...

good appointments today.... new hopes....

Plugging the Anxiety Hole

Aug. 27th, 2025 02:38 pm
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[personal profile] mallorys_camera
So-o, apparently, if I work for H.R. Schlock, I can't be a TaxBwana.

I was mildly shocked that their non-compete clause applied to a nonprofit.

I also suspect if I didn't tell H.R. Schlock I was volunteering with TaxBwana and didn't tell TaxBwana I was selling my soul to H.R. Schlock for filthy lucre, it would all just work out fine.

But that's an extra complication, and my goal these days is to make my life uncomplicated.

The freelancer schtick is really hard on my psyche. Even assuming that all my clients don't switch to AI—an assumption that would be very foolhardy to make—waiting around for the money to appear in my bank account through direct deposit magic is crazy-making.

Deeply crazy-making.

Like check my bank account every 10 minutes and have impassioned one-way conversations with a God I don't actually believe in that always end in Please, please, please, crazy-making.

###

Is this residue from my unfortunate second marriage?

Ben was forever gaslighting me about money.

Like just before my dear, dear, dear pal Tom Mandel died, he set me up with a job at People Magazine. I took care of you, he told me on his deathbed.

And as a favor to me, he also set Ben up with a gig at Sports Illustrated's fledgling online operations.

At some point, Sports Illustrated's online operations were restructured.

And Ben's position was eliminated—a fact he hid from me for a good six months. Maybe longer.

Of course he was still on the payroll, he told me—with a furious scowl like how could I doubt him for a single moment. The overhaul had messed somehow with Time Inc's stream of payments to out-of-office employment. Then the checks were getting lost in the mail. Finally, Fed Ex was delivering the checks to the wrong address where somehow they had been cashed, and Time Inc would have to investigate (naturally) before they could reissue them—

On a couple of occasions, he actually came up with some money.

In retrospect, he probably jimmied that money out of his mother. Supplying her with some lie about me, no doubt. No wonder Ben's mother hated me.

Why did Ben do this? Good question. I asked him over & over again. In those days, I still loved him. (In some ways, I never stopped. Until he died, which broke the evil enchantment.) We had a child together. Our minds fit so well together, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. He was my writing partner. We had great sex.

Better question: Why did I put up with it?

Answer A: Because Ben was a sociopath.

Answer B: Because I was the only child of a mother who was a consumate liar herself, and so lying and loving are hotwired together in my psyche.

###

Anyway, the client payed my invoice—they always do!—and now my little bank account overrunneth, and all is good in the Patrizia-verse.

But it was three days of extreme, uncontrollable anxiety, and I am tired of feeling anxious.

Diversifying the revenue stream & having one of the sources be a predictable paycheck would skidoo that particular source of anxiety. It's a smart thing to do.

###

In Work in Progress news: I managed to get Daria & Grazia to finish their conversation, and then Dead Neal & Grazia had their own elliptical conversation—about God!—and now we're starting Neal's memorial.

Every time I read over what I had written yesterday, I wanted to throw up.

This is so fuckin' stilted, I told myself. So lame! So banal! What ever made you think you could... Throw it all out! NOW!!!!

In particular, the dialogue made me cringe.

Writing a novel: Not for the faint of heart.

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